October 13th, a day I have come to dread. The day my sister passed away. It was today last year actually. This is the one year anniversary of her death.
I can’t tell you why I am writing this really. Most of the time a have a good idea of what I want to say when I am writing but this time to be honest I am kind of just winging it.
My sister died unexpectedly and to be honest, I was not the best brother. She was a few years older and clearly the favorite despite what my mother will ever say out loud. We just did not see eye to eye. She was a very warm and loving person and well I would not say that I am. I am more of a sarcastic asshole that makes fun of anyone he likes. These personalities obviously clashed. This kept me from being close to her and the five children and husband she left behind. Being in the military and deploying multiple times did not help either.
People say time heals all wounds and to include the death of a loved on. I do not really believe that because I feel as hurt and as guilty as the day I found out a year ago. I still hurt just the same, but somehow you find a way to move on with the pain.
I felt guilty after the first couple months when I realized “oh I didn’t think of you today.” Which then just made me feel more guilty. A year later and I still feel guilty. I took my family for granted, my sister specifically. I was always thinking “we are still relatively young, i’ll do my twenty in the military, get out, and then become the family guy.”
Well if you kind of fall into that situation I would advise you to stop reading and call your family now, just to see how they are or just to talk. I cannot think of what I would give for just a five minute phone call with my sister just to tell her I am sorry and I love her. That stupid saying of tomorrow is never promised is true unfortunately
I don’t really know how to end this but thank you for reading,for some strange reason this made me feel slightly better.
R.I.P sis, I love and miss you.